It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
