Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
