it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
