If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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