WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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