Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
