I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
