everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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