I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
