Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
