just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
