Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
