She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
