the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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