Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
