Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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