you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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