UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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