Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
