I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
