At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I met the friendliest cop last night
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
