xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
