Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
