Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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