theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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