I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
