so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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