I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
