woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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