we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
