I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
