I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
