We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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