worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
