I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
