Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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