oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
