You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
