I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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