I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
