so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
