It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
