i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
a search helicopter?!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
