im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
