They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
