I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
