So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
