Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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