thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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