My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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