I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
