it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
