so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
